For anyone who's spent so much time doing what they should that they've forgotten what they actually want. A 4-minute read.
Not a vision board. Not a five-year plan.
Just ten honest minutes to separate what you want from what you've been taught to want.
When you've spent a long time surviving, caregiving, achieving, or rebuilding, the question What do I actually want? can become surprisingly difficult to answer.
You might know exactly what you're supposed to do next. You may even be working toward goals that look impressive on paper.
And still feel disconnected from the life you're creating.
Sometimes, the problem isn't motivation. It's that your own desires have been crowded out by responsibilities, expectations, and the pressure to keep moving forward.
The Want List is a simple exercise for hearing yourself again.
THE BASICS
Wanting becomes complicated when you've learned that your desires are selfish, unrealistic, inconvenient, or less important than everyone else's.
Over time, what you want can become difficult to separate from what earns approval, keeps the peace, or makes you appear successful.
That doesn't mean your ambitions are wrong.
It means they're worth examining.
This 10-minute practice helps you distinguish between three things: what you genuinely want, what you feel expected to want, and what you're ready to leave behind.
1. MAKE THREE LISTS — 6 MINUTES
Take a blank piece of paper and divide it into three columns.
Write these headings:
WHAT I WANT
Write what genuinely appeals to you, even if it seems small, impractical, or different from what you've wanted before.
Perhaps it's more freedom, financial stability, creative expression, a healthy relationship, or simply a quieter morning.
WHAT I THINK I SHOULD WANT
List the goals and expectations that feel connected to outside pressure.
A particular career title. A relationship timeline. A version of success that would impress other people.
Ask yourself whether these goals reflect your values or the need to prove something.
WHAT I NO LONGER WANT
Name what you're ready to release.
An obligation you've outgrown. A relationship dynamic that exhausts you. A dream that belonged to an earlier version of yourself.
You don't need to explain or justify your answers.
Just write honestly.
2. IDENTIFY WHAT FEELS TRUE — 3 MINUTES
Read your first column.
Circle one desire that feels meaningful to you right now.
It doesn't have to be your biggest ambition.
Sometimes genuine desire feels less like excitement and more like relief.
I want my mornings back.
I want to make music again.
I want to feel secure.
I want a life that doesn't require me to abandon myself.
Notice which statement resonates most.
You aren't committing to it forever. You're simply recognizing something that matters to you today.
3. CHOOSE ONE SMALL ACTION — 1 MINUTE
Take the desire you circled and identify one action you can complete in fifteen minutes or less.
If you want more creativity, reopen an unfinished project.
If you want more peace, reconsider one unnecessary commitment.
If you want a new direction, research one opportunity.
If you want stronger boundaries, write down something you need to communicate.
You don't need to transform your entire life today.
You just need to allow one of your genuine desires to influence what you do next.
YOUR RECLAIM DECLARATION
Before you finish, complete this sentence:
I want __________, and this week I will __________.
Write it somewhere you can see it.
Not as another demand to meet, but as a reminder that your needs and desires deserve consideration too.
THE TAKEAWAY
Reconnecting with yourself doesn't always require a dramatic reinvention.
Sometimes it begins by recognizing how much of your life has been shaped by what other people expected, and allowing yourself to make a different choice.
You don't have to justify every desire.
You don't have to turn every interest into a career, every dream into a deadline, or every moment of joy into something productive.
Sometimes wanting is simply how you begin finding yourself again.
See a typo or inaccuracy? Please contact me so I can fix it!
ABOUT ALEXANDRIA
Alexandria Tava is a holistic healing practitioner, personal growth coach, and spiritual advisor with 15+ years of experience helping people navigate change, develop self-trust, and move forward with clarity.
The RECLAIM Signature Hoodie pairs a soft organic cotton blend with a regular unisex silhouette. Ivory RECLAIM embroidery at the chest and Alexandria Tava’s signature at the left wrist define the design. Slanted side pockets and matching flat drawcords complete the look.
DETAILS
Black with ivory chest and wrist embroidery
Organic combed ring-spun cotton and recycled polyester blend
US production: 80% cotton, 20% polyester
European production: 85% cotton, 15% polyester
Fabric weight: 8.3 oz./yd.² (280 g/m²)
Regular unisex fit
Slanted side seam pockets
Matching flat drawcords
CARE
Follow the garment’s care label. Wash inside out to protect the embroidery. Do not iron directly over the embroidered designs.
PRODUCTION
Embroidered to order after purchase.
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